A mother to a nearly 3 year old girl. Unemployed by choice and oriented on unschooling, I spend my time outside whenever possible, remain creative and try to sustain my daughter with colourful people and places, meanwhile tending our apartment with all the linked domestic activities.
Thinking of gender equality and my partner’s growing wish of me becoming a second financial provider in the family – I’ve come up with a poem… (A new book is in the making. I am gathering pieces from the time of my pregnancy onward so it will be all motherhood-related and motherhood-inspired.) This is one of my latest and it's called Who Will Pay For My Work or The Multitasker's Blues. * * * Who will pay for my work? I don’t mean paying for my many night hours spent at birthing new arts I don’t mean paying like during the maternity leave – time when a woman is designed to be with child and no distractions anyway – I mean paying for my voluntary leave the-whole-day-with-child work that I do and that is sometimes being called a ‘holiday’ an ‘easy way out’ or a ‘comfort zone’ Who will pay? For those 18-hour-long days always on duty with weight-lifting and much of it long distance often in the heat For the dish washing clothes washing clothes hanging clothes folding and much of it only after the three previous loads has been dropped at the ‘pass-me-by armchair’ Who will pay me for the insane, napless, breast-tugging days with too little sleep and a mild depression creeping in Who will pay me for making of breakfasts lunches dinners suppers night-meals snack-meals breastfeeding infinity meals and much of it done on time wholeheartedly with devotion and joy Love takes time Who will pay for mine? spent on diaper ironing story telling but washing swing swinging ABC reading time love-filled and willingly given away Who will pay for my loyalty, commitment and flexibility Monthly time spent on shopping carrying it home then unpacking and sorting Monthly time spent on sweeping of floors tiding of rooms bringing out and recycling of trash Who will pay for my organising and management skills teamwork, solitary focus and advisorship full-time-any-time repairing speciality ability to deal with stress and innovation in problem-solving? All that while trying to be a person of my choice who loves what she does and does some for herself I paint and write dance and sing craft and stretch balance on the rope ride my bicycle and shine my ideas inside out connecting with people and nature for to make my child’s heart sing I first need to make my heart’s sing the louder – the better All that while drawing snails and sea-horses and snowmans playing lego for hours digging the sandbox taking my sunbeam out to meet the world and interesting people of all ages All that while growing my knowledge and patience and physical pain endurance compromising my needs training for better stamina answering emails writing projects doing interviews running a few websites and having a stolen alone-in-the-bath time All that while still having an idea of being a better mother a better wife a better artist Still having an idea of being more engaged present and gentle attentive, productive, harmonious Still aspiring to become a yoga teacher a published writer a paid artist A quiet morning half-filled cup of chamomile tea after 5 hours of sleep feeling empowered and drowsy enthusiastic exhausted Who will pay for this rainbow chaos work? Who will pay for my plain ticket to the just world? Who will help me to stay on my own two feet with one wallet filled with dignity of no weight and abundant package of dreams? Who will pay me more than a boring 9 to 5 with 7 days off in summer and 7 days off in winter but none on the week when my child is having fever and needs me to stay home? Who will pay me for being home, a domestic goddess crazy artist adventurer and a mother The work i offer my family is not a paid one, though it could be. So if something more is being asked of my workfull freedom – as a change within or a money – sorry, but I don’t give, someone else must.
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August 2020
May all mothers find peace in this creative universe and often rest their heads on its playful lap ♥
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