There are some women I deeply admire
online. They are great creators, prolific artists, pro-health, pro-passion, pro-expression, some of them mothers... very inspiring and beautiful beings! I admire them for their brilliancy on many levels and I feel grateful for that they've appeared in my life and had impact on it with their magic. I have waves of viewing these women's amazing work, and I have had done this for ages without using social media, and now - after quitting them - also without. Their websites is the medium which excites me and interests me the most. But the last week's wave - as some of the previous ones as well - had brought me to feeling particularly... shitty. It's not only this. It is a strange mix between admiring, being inspired, a tiny pinch of envy and that drained, down-feeling. Such a weird compilation. I hate it. Because after all I know what makes it, and it's not them. It is once and for all: my inner critic.* *(Inner critic refers to an inner voice that judges, criticises, or demeans a person whether or not the self-criticism is objectively justified. A highly active inner critic can take a toll on one's emotional well being and self-esteem.) Though I tend to jump right up after falling too far down, and thank God it usually happens quite fast, so today I wrote myself a love note, a reminder, a poem... simply to anchor myself in the knowing that "Their Path" is unique, and that "My Path" is unique also. Here's the note I scribbled in my notebook: They might be all settled over there. Selling e-books, e-courses and meditation kits, recording podcasts and successful youtube videos... You have your own way to go. They might be bestselling on Amazon. You have your own way to go. They might be published authors, touring musicians, wealthy painters... You have your own way to go. They might have a nice, catchy name that's easy spelled and comfortable to pronounce for the English speakers... You have your own way to go. Their website might be all intact, and the clear, shining, big-smiling pictures of their face welcoming new subscribers... You have your own way to go. They might be popular, use social media, have a few thousand blog readers and endless stream of followers... You have your own way to go. They might have their newsletter all worked out, daily studio hours despite of having children, they might be high and far in art and in the world... You have your own way to go. And you will follow it gracefully and clumsily but you will follow your own heart's whisper your own soul's song - one you know forever and one that sometimes scares you so. You have your own way to go. They might be younger than you and already there, have no children, no partners, no cat... You have your own way to go. Everything they are or have or do is theirs and you have your own way to go. Trust in this. Beyond all, close your eyes and listen: as the old stars fall, new stars are being born inside you.
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August 2020
May all mothers find peace in this creative universe and often rest their heads on its playful lap ♥
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